I am a frequent flyer. I know what it’s like to find yourself in an emotional black hole. To feel the fear and the darkness. How it is to wonder how you will put one foot in front of the other today.
That is probably why I don’t send text message replies to my clients saying things like “chin up, it’s a gorgeous day, get outside and grab some fresh air. You will be fine.”
It just doesn’t cut it.
That’s why I am more likely to send them words like;
“I know. I know how scary it is down there, and how dark, I know you wonder how it will ever end but it will. Just put one foot in front of the other. Know we are here to pull you out when you need it, Know that your body is resting, healing, grieving. Know that light is on its way and your spirit knows what to do.”
During this most recent trip to the emotional black hole I decided to rename it as my learning/growing pit. I tell you what, it’s painfully uncomfortable down there but I have been there so many times now that I have come to learn that it is just part of me. I always get something awesome out of every trip if I allow myself to see it. I always grow or work something out. I know that sounds like a cliche but it’s true. The one thing I always hold on to is that being in the pit means I need to understand something that will make life better. Being there means that I will come out again and when I do I will be better than I was before I went. It’s always worth it even though it sucks. The thing is I am a sensitive person. I feel things so deeply, and I intuit such a lot with such accuracy that sometimes I scare myself. I know things I ought not to know and I don’t know totally how I know them. But what I remember is that if I feel things this sensitively in all the exciting and interesting ways then sometimes I am going to feel things the other way too. It’s unavoidable.
I tell myself, it’s ok. I am just learning a new thing, working something else out.
I can trust it because it pulls through for me every single time. Every single time in my life I have ever fallen to my knees, held my hands up to the universe and screamed “why? WHY can’t I just have what I WANT!!!?” It has turned out that things worked out better than I could have ever imagined it. Every crushing disappointment or horrendous experience seems to have been the stepping stone I somehow needed to the point where if I could go back and change it I wouldn’t.
Don’t get me wrong. I have been through things in my life that have nearly pushed me right off the ledge, and I felt every moment of them in every cell of my body. I can’t deny though, the answers, the path, the direction, it shows up for me every time. And now when I feel the pulsing of adrenaline in my stomach I don’t push it away. I invite this internal barometer to tell me where I am going wrong. Where am I not being true to myself? Where am I pushing myself in a direction that isn’t right for me? Or what choice do I need to make that I am finding scary?
This particular black spot was a ten weeker. That’s long for me. But the revelations! Wow the revelations!!!
So I am not afraid of the darkness, I used to wrestle it and try to win over it but now I have found it moves quicker when I acknowledge it and ask why it is there. If you are there, or ever in that space my darling. Here are my top tips for how I look after myself in those times.
- Literally hold yourself. Tell yourself you love you. Don’t push against it, just agree with yourself to work with yourself lovingly whilst you are there.
- Remember this is temporary. The reason you feel SO black here is because you are so aware of the distance between where you want to be, where you KNOW you can be and where you are right now. The very fact that you have set those intentions of where you should be shows that you will get there. You are someone who thinks high and therefore when the lows come in they are only to push you further so you are forced to create the change you need to or find the courage to take the next step that will help you achieve your goal.
- If you feel overwhelm and panic often going back to the basics of your surroundings is a helpful way to regain some comfort and control. For example writing down all the things you want to do in your home or garden and breaking them down into little tasks that you can actually write in your diary.
- Try to get outside. It doesn’t always help there and then but it all adds fuel to the getting well process.
- Self care such as baths, paint your toe nails, watch a movie, take a morning off and drink tea in bed.
- Only confide in the people who ‘get it’. I have really never learned my lesson on this. There are things that ‘normal’ gondola riding people don’t get. They don’t get soul growth. They don’t even get soul pain as far as I can tell. So they tend give advice that sucks ass. Or just dismiss you. I am slowly learning that the person who is there for me the absolute most at these times is actually me. A couple of trusted friends are a God send, so just choose them carefully.
- Google helpful things. For example get on you tube and write in either TED talk or Abraham Hicks followed by what you are feeling such as: TED talk Spiritual awakening Abraham Hicks Overwhelm and anxiety You will always find help and love there
- Take rescue breaths. When I am in the growing pit I know it because my stomach / solar plexus literally pulses adrenalin rushes with every single breath. The way I handle this is by taking three intentional ‘check in’ breaths between every activity. It slows me down and centers me. I also remember this is not so much me being raw and exposed but my spirit ‘uploading software’ and allowing in more light and learning. (Yeah I know it feels bloody awful when you are going through it but it’s always worth it when you emerge)
- Check in with your goals and intentions. Are you holding yourself back from progression because of fear or old habit? Try and make gentle changes if you feel moved to such as saying no more often or going to your boss with a new idea for how to manage work load.
- Listen to music. It will really allow you to fully surrender. Whether it gives you the feeling you need to let go and cry, or it soothes and comforts you it can truly hold you up when nothing else will.
- be true to yourself and be prepared to surrender and accept the potential for miracles. You are not here to suffer and not make happen what you want to make happen. You are here to find your way to shine. You are here to take risks and play. You are here to find the path not just the gondola ride where the potential experience will always be limited to the basics. You know there is a trap door that allows you to access life in a more exquisite way. You know that you have to map out your route and go for it.
You will never ever make a mistake.
Unless you choose not to learn from it.
Love to you all x x x