Positivity is such a buzz word.
The idea of it is lovely. Think positive, and begin to feel positive. Feel positive and you will attract everything you want into your life…..
It’s actually utter nonsense.
Here are 6 myths about positivity that I shall bust for you:
1) If we are ‘getting it right’ then we should feel happy all the time.
We are human beings. That means we feel things. We are here to have experiences and to evolve through them. It is a very weird and unattainable prospect to think we can get to a positive place and remain there continuously. It would be like expecting a world to exist without seasons.
2) You need to be more positive or it won’t work for you
When you are going through something this big, it’s going to matter to you. Therefore you are going to be faced with feelings like despair, fear, despondency, and resentment. How can you not be expected to feel this stuff?!
To try to pretend they are not there means they will get pushed down. When someone suggests it’s bad to feel them you become invalidated and repressed. The feelings get bigger and you just add guilt and shame to the mix.
The best way to lift those feelings is to acknowledge them, validate them and allow them to be processed.
“I’m scared the IVF is going to fail again and we can’t afford to do it again”
If this is met with; “you can’t think like that, you have to be positive” then there is no soothing and no ease, the feelings remain.
A better response might be: “It’s completely ok that you would be terrified. If you weren’t then there would be something wrong. It just shows how important it is to you. We can only take this one day at a time. We don’t have to believe it will work, we just have to want it. That’s enough.
The great news is that we can have these conversations with ourselves!
3) The Law of Attraction says I can’t get stressed or upset or I will block it from happening
The Law of Attraction isn’t about getting it ‘right’ all the time. It’s about lining you up with opportunities to reach your highest good. None of us are ‘off track’ when we struggle to conceive. In fact we are exactly where we should be. Working out how to cope with these feelings and situations are what allow us to evolve. Evolution ALWAYS takes us to a better place.
4) Affirmations will help
Yes and no. If you pitch a statement that is too far removed from how you actually feel then all the statement will do is cause more resistance and anxiety. Try bridging the gaps gently instead such as:
“I love the idea of this working out for us”.
“Even though I am scared, I know that means I am going the right way and I trust I must be heading towards something better.”
5) It’s not positive to have a back up plan
Actually, if we have another area we are willing to look into if we have to (such as IVF, egg donor or adoption) then it really takes the pressure off the current situation. It softens the edges around the fear and actually makes you feel calmer. It isn’t a negative thing to do at all, and it doesn’t mean you don’t believe in what you are doing. It means you are willing to open all the doors for your child so that they can come through which ever one is right for them.
6) You can just think more positively and it will work…
I think this is just pushing feelings down again, and that never works. To truly feel more positive try to allow yourself space to feel what you feel and accept that this journey has some really dark times. Feelings never stay constant so you will always get flow after ebb.
Find your ‘latch’. The philosophy / theory that you believe in.
For me it’s that it doesn’t make sense to me that people have deep suffering for absolutely no reason. I always believe there has to be a point. I have also come to realise that the human race is always evolving. Parenting has changed dramatically over the years, and we are just now starting to realise we still haven’t really had it quite right.
The children coming in now are demanding that their parents work through a lot of stuff. This serves to make them highly emotionally intelligent and extremely appreciative of the little souls who become their children. The result is that children are brought up by very conscious parents who have gained new perspective and respect.
Cath and I have been doing this job long enough to know that we work with women who are highly evolved. Wise, maternal, intelligent and clearly here to parent in an extraordinary way.
If that resonates then please allow that to become part of your latch that keeps you going.
Honour your feelings, especially the ‘negative’ ones and bathe yourself in radical self care.
A more positive outcome will always follow.
Lucy & Cath x x x
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