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Figuring out the space between fertility & adoption

Figuring out the space between fertility & adoption

By Cath Franks on 14/11/2018

My favourite moment of all in Adoption Panel is when someone asks the question what are you looking forward to most about being a parent. The whole energy in the room shifts, anxieties and tension fall away, and instead of all the uncertainties, people are finally able to talk about the joy of being called mummy, or reading bedtime stories, or playing together. They are the most heartfelt and heartwarming moments of all, and made of pure magic when you know that a new family has found each other that were always meant to come together in this way. 

When you’re first wondering though, even clicking on this part of the website or opening this blog,  feels utterly massive, doesn’t it, especially when fertility has been your world for so long. 

And the emotions are so overwhelming!

A flicker of relief, hope and excitement at the thought of being able to put down a heavy burden and step forward in a positive way after years of feeling like everything’s on hold, a lifetime of yearning, wishing and hoping. 

At the same time as moving through waves of grief and fear, guilt, and ‘what if’s’ at the possibility of ending a chapter and calling time on something that’s been such a huge, deep part of your heart for so long. 

And more than anything, often totally confused, lost and unsure. 

One minute feeling one way is right, and the next feeling consumed with doubts, and longing for some clarity and peace, and a ‘knowingness’ about the direction and the timing, rather than feeling like you’re flip-flopping backwards and forwards. 

So! Just in case you’re in that beating yourself up for feeling wobbly and lost, in our experience, flip-flopping is GOOD!

It’s that crucial phase of figuring out and listening to what you need, what your internal guidance system is telling you, as well as letting your heart heal and move at exactly the right pace for you.

These are a few of the words of comfort and reassurance that we’ve found our hearts so often need to navigate our way as gently as we possibly can through these big crossroads…

1) There’s usually a moment that comes when that flicker of excitement, hope and relief outweigh all the other emotions. When it feels lighter in your soul, and your chest can breathe just a little bit easier at the thought of being able to find and reach your family in this way. 

2) That that moment often doesn’t come in a linear way, or like a lightening bolt (though it can) …but more a slow dawning that this makes you feel more ‘alive’ and that warm feeling of hope blossoming in your heart, as a doorway feels like it’s opening up where before it just felt like a brick wall. 

3) The pathway is often more of a spiral, being able to re-visit the ports and destinations that our hearts need to along the way…processing emotions, and honouring where we’ve been as well as listening and following which ways we’re being called to move towards. 

4) That it doesn’t matter whether that feels 51% right or a 100 million % right, there will STILL be lots of fears, doubts and worries.

5) That forcing yourself to move more quickly or slowly, or putting yourself under pressure to feel anything that you’re not, seems to ramp up the fears and anxieties to astronomic proportions. . The pace and direction your heart guides you through when we’re able to trust that, is part of this unique soul journey…the one that’s calling you to your child, in exactly the way that it’s right for them to come, and at exactly the right time. 

6) The calling often comes in whispers, easy to miss or mistake as our heads try to rule the show, and the feelings of overwhelm are especially loud. But the very lovely thing is it seems we can never miss them altogether, or get it wrong, as the nudges keep coming until we hear them. Just like the idea of the red thread that connects everyone in our lives and always brings our paths together and brings us to where we’re meant to be, with just the right people with us. 

7) The biggest challenge is often when the radar is still spinning out and NOTHING feels clear. As uncomfortable as it is…and it really is…that’s the time to stay still and listen, because there is more to evolve. More conversations and feelings to unfurl, a little more healing to come in, until bit by bit, you realise that there’s one path more than any of the others that’s calling you. 

8) We often reach that point at a different time to a partner, or family and friends. We grieve, process and leap forward at different speeds so the hardest thing of all can be waiting for each other to catch up, or staying patient with ourselves or each other when we feel like we’re on different books let alone different chapters. 

9) Support is the one thing that we’ve found that can comfort and ease our hearts through every bit of navigating these massive soul journeys, so, if you’re finding yourself in that scary ‘in between stories’ place, where you’re trying to hear your inner guidance, or you can hear it but want some support in finding your way through it, it would be our total pleasure to be that safe port for you. 

Catching Rainbows is a place where all the emotions our big, wild hearts contain are welcomed and wanted! 

Somewhere it is safe to weigh up all the possibilities and options and avenues that feel like they could be part of your path. 

Somewhere the deepest feelings and thoughts that aren’t always given space to be held or heard in the rest of our lives, can be given the time and care they need to flow again, and let that intuition in. 

Somewhere there is practical advice and support available on both the fertility and adoption paths, so you don’t have to figure all of this out alone. 

Drop us a message anytime if that feels like something that could help.